|A blonde decides she needs a new hobby for the winter season. She goes to the bookstore and buys every book she can find on ice fishing. For weeks she reads and studies, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decides the time has come for her first ice fishing expedition. She thoughtfully gathers and packs all the tools and equipment she might need for the excursion.
When she gets to the ice, she finds a quiet little area and places her padded stool. Carefully, she lays out her tools.
Just as she is about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellows, “There are no fish under the ice!!!”
Startled, the blonde grabs up her belongings and moves further along the ice. She pours some hot chocolate from her thermos and starts to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellows, “There are no fish under the ice!!!”
Amazed, the blonde isn’t sure what to do. This certainly wasn’t covered in any of her books. She packs up her gear and moves to the far side of the ice. She takes a few moments to regain her composure, then, just as she is about to cut a new hole, the voice booms again: “There are no fish under the ice!!!”
Petrified, the blonde looks skyward and asks, “Is that You, Lord?”
“NO,” the voice booms back, “THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!”
|Q: What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A: A blonde at a blinking red light.
|There’s this bar and in the bar there is a magic mirror.
If you tell a lie it will suck you in.
One day a brunette walks into the bar. She approaches the mirror and says “I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world” and it sucks her in.
The next day a redhead walks into the bar. She approaches the mirror and says “I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world” and it sucks her in.
The next day a blonde walks into the bar. She approaches the mirror and says “I think…” and it sucks her in.
|Q: What do you call a blonde with an IQ of 100?
A: A foursome.
|Q: What’s a blonde’s idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
|A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are interviewing for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.
First, the panel of scientists asks the brunette, “If you could go to any planet, what planet would you choose and why?” She answers promptly, “I would go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet.”
Next, the panel asks the redhead the same question. Without any hesitation, she replies, “I’d like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.”
Finally, the NASA scientists ask the blonde the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. After pondering for several minutes, she finally answers, “I would go to the sun.”
Several scientists suppress a laugh, but the lead interviewer, trying to take the blonde seriously, explains, “Well, if you went to the sun, you’d burn to death almost instantaneously.”
The blond smirks and puts her hands on her hips. “Don’t be stupid! I’d go at night!”
|Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
|Three blonde friends die together in a car wreck. They find themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He warns them that before they can enter heaven, they have to tell him what Easter is about.
The first blonde says, “Easter is a holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey.”
“Nooooo,” groans St. Peter. “You don’t get in.”
The second blonde says, “Easter is the holiday where we decorate a tree with pretty ornaments and give each other presents.”
“Nooooo,” groans St. Peter. “You don’t get in, either.”
The third blonde says, “Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it.”
“Very good!” says St. Peter.
But the blonde continues. “Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of winter.”
|Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby’s diaper once a month?
A: The instructions clearly state, “good for up to 20 pounds”.
|A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driver’s license.
The motorist digs around in her purse but can’t find it. She says to the cop, “I must have left it at home, officer.”
The cop says, “Well, do you have any kind of identification?”
The motorist searches her purse again and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, “All I have is this picture of myself.”
The cop says, “Let me see.” So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, “Well, if I’d known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have pulled you over.”
Tagged with: Beautiful Woman Belongings Blinking Red Light Blonde Jokes Brunette Composure Excursion Far Side Few Moments Fishing Expedition Foursome Grabs Hot Chocolate Jokes Blonde Magic Mirror Redhead Skating Rink Thermos Voice Booms Winter Season